Before I show you what you “get” I need to make one thing clear…

EVERY-fucking-THING we do for you is tailored to your situation, goals, lifestyle, etc. 

And I know you’ve heard that before.

Bur I’ll bet my left tit and my right arse cheek you’ve never been shown what it really means.

Until now…

WORKING OUT

We don't drag and drop some cookie-cutter program and demand you work harder. 

Your plan is built specifically for your body, your schedule, your equipment, your goals.

Lots of our clients aren’t ready to go to the gym when they start working with us.

So if you're working out in your front room in mismatched pyjamas with two tins of beans as weights? We'll make that work.

But if you're already strutting into the gym but feeling lost once you get there? 

Your plan will be tailored to getting you crushing gym workouts with confidence and a healthy sprinkling of sass. 

NUTRITION

We do food differently with our clients.

We don’t slash your carbs like they’ve personally wronged you.  

And we don’t hand out meal plans ripped from the depths of diet culture hell.  

Instead, your coach builds an approach to food that works with your life, your goals, and your sanity.

Take a pervy little peek at how they’ll do this for you:

Personalised Coaching 

You’ll have weekly check-ins where your coach looks at what you're eating, how it's feeling, and where you're getting stuck. Then together, you’ll make small, realistic tweaks that get results without making drastic, overwhelming changes.

You’ll get specific tactics for handling restaurant meals, birthday buffets, “f*ck it” Fridays and the moments when you want to inhale the biscuit tin like a Dyson on heat.

Ending Food Fuckery For Good 

We’ll help you break the all-or-nothing patterns, ditch the guilt cycle, and finally stop using food to punish or reward yourself. That voice in your head that’s constantly banging on about what you “should” eat? It’ll get quieter. Promise.

All of this is about you having a healthy, confident, and sustainable relationship with food while seeing the changes you want to see.

You might track calories… you might delete MyFitnessPal for good. 

You might weigh yourself daily… you might frisby the scales into the nearest body of water.

There's no one-size-fits-all approach here, just YOUR way forward. 

No more obsessing over every bite or feeling guilty after dinner. 

Your coach guides you through the ups and downs and builds a relationship with food that actually works for your life, you magnificent little crumpet. 

Because changing how you eat shouldn't feel like punishment, it should feel like someone's finally showing you a better way.

COMMUNICATION 

Ever notice how just *talking it out* with someone who listens and understands makes you go from spinning in your own head to actually seeing a way forward.

That’s why communication is the most important part of our coaching and the reason why so many of our clients finally see lasting results after years of starting and stopping.

Because let’s be honest…

Life happens. You get busy. You miss a few sessions. You have a threesome with Ben & Jerry after a rough week and start saying nasty things to yourself.

And when there’s no one to talk to about it? That’s when you nosedive straight into “ah fuck it” territory.

But when you have coach who actually gives a toss? 

You send a message that says “I've had a week from hell,” and they say, “Right then, let’s sort it out”. 

No judgment or guilt trips. 

Just understanding, perspective, and someone who will keep you making progress regardless of what flavour of shit sandwich life serves up. 

Your coach becomes your compass, your hype squad, and sometimes, the only voice of reason when your brain is screaming “give up”. 

So yes, the workouts matter. 

The nutrition matters.

But changing your body isn’t just about sets, reps, and protein.  

It’s about not being left to do it all alone when life gets hard.

LIFESTYLE

This is the bit everyone ignores and didn’t realise you needed us for.

Your lifestyle is all the stuff behind the scenes that quietly make or break your progress.

We’ll look at your sleep, your stress levels, your steps, your emotional energy, your general “why am I like this” chaos and we’ll help you tweak the bits that are throwing you off without you even realising.

This isn’t about becoming some 5am lemon-water toff.

It’s about making your day-to-day feel smoother, calmer, and more doable.

You’ll stop waking up wired and stressed.

You’ll stop hitting Wednesday already burnt out.

And you’ll start moving through your week feeling grounded, steady, and like you’re finally getting somewhere without running on caffeine and motivational quotes.

Because consistency doesn’t come from willpower.

It comes from having a life that supports the change you’re trying to make.

That’s what we help you build.